Is it fair to have expectations of someone without also making those expectations known?  How is someone ever supposed to manage to meet those expectations, except by random chance?  If you ask for what you would like instead, you are much more likely to actually get it, and even if you don’t, you at least avoid the frustration leading from perpetually unmet expectations.

I always rolled my eyes when teachers or whomever would tell us that communication is paramount, as it seems such a trite thing to say.  But I’m finding in practice that learning how to communicate your desires and frustrations accurately and politely is so much harder than a trite aphorism can convey.  I do know the two tasks which always lead to my fiancé and I having the most meaningless and obtuse arguments, have to be either while setting up a campsite, or building a piece of furniture.  And it was only after this most recent camping trip that I really started to see how much that argument just revolves around poor communication. 

When I first started working as a Paramedic and was expected to take command of a medical emergency, things frequently did not go the way I expected them to.  And when a patient is the reason things go sideways, you can be understanding as they are facing a personal emergency and are sometimes too anxious to move things along properly.  But when it is your coworkers doing something unexpected and unanticipated, it can be much more frustrating … especially when you are already amped up by whatever emergency you are attempting to rectify.  But that was when I first realized it was unreasonable to expect someone to meet an expectation I had but have not verbalized.  It has taken some time and practice, and I still frequently miss the mark on this account, but I have started to get better on verbalizing my expectations to both my partners on the ambulance, the crew assisting, and the patient themselves.

And what this last camping trip has opened my eyes to is the steps I will need to take in my personal relationships, and with my fiancé specifically, to have more and better conversations around how I would like things to go.  I seem to frequently advise others that it never hurts to ask, so maybe it’s time I take some of my own advice and communicate.   

“You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need”   -The Rolling Stones